He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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