the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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