Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
