just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
