i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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