I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
