last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
