even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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