I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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