I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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