Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
where are my eyebrows?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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