I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
