He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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