hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
