After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
