can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
