don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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