Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
