Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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