I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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