Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
