and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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