Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
