There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well you can't waste a boner
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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