So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Congratulations! We have a period
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