thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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