Where is the hickey?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
