I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
