Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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