I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
