those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
