there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im six kinds of drunk right now
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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