I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
