my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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