Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
