Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
