I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
