the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
