you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
