sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
