I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
