Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
