so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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