The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
