I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize