she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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