somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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