You can't motorboat a personality
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
