HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
