How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
