sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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