After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
