I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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