My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
organizing the empties. That sober.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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