Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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