I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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