just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
