It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
