I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
