I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
