wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
