I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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