I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Found the puke drawer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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