babies were throwing up all over the place
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
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Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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