OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
