no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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